This one’s gonna be a doozy.
If you’ve been following along, you know that I’ve recently started working out (again) and watching my diet (again). It’s been tough. I’ve mentioned before that I don’t like weighing myself, and pretty much measure my progress based on how I feel and how well my clothes fit. So far I’m doing ok. I’ve pulled out a few clothes from the back of my closet that I hadn’t been able to wear for a while because they were too small, and many are starting to fit. I also did manage to (begrudgingly) get on a scale last week and I’ve lost a whopping 6lbs. Losing 6lbs is better than losing none at all I suppose, but I don’t feel like it’s much to brag about, either. I like to tell myself it’s *only* 6lbs because I’ve also been building muscle. I might be delusional. At least my clothes aren’t as tight.
I just have a hard time.
I’ve been overweight for as long as I can remember. When I was 21 I decided I was sick of being the fat girl and started working out and changed my diet. I lost over 5olbs in a one year period. It was awesome. But, I still had more to go and continued working out and trying to eat healthy. Over the years a lot of the good habits started to slip. Life changed. I moved to Delaware for Grad School but continued losing weight. At one point (for like, 2 months?) I was a size 12. The smallest I have been since I was probably 13 years old. But for the most part I stopped losing weight. Life changed. I maintained. I moved back to Massachusetts. I plateaued. For what felt like years. All this despite still going to the gym, still doing my best to watch what I ate.
Now I’m 28. I met D over two years ago and since then my weight loss journey has become more of a weight loss picture on a postcard from a favorite destination. In the last two+ years I’ve managed to gain almost all the weight back.
OMG. Gross… Completely disappointing.
I’ve read that often when women move in with their mates they tend to gain weight. I guess that’s true for me, and I could totally blame D, but it’s just that I don’t have that much will power, and I completely stopped going to the gym. I’ve picked up a lot of his bad eating habits. He’s a guy, he can eat more than me. He’s a guy with a very physical job, he can eat a lot more than me. He’ll snack and I’ll have some too. He’ll eat a heaping plate of food for dinner, and I have to try to eat as much as I can too because I know there won’t be leftovers. It’s insanity. It’s also kind of embarrassing to be writing about all this!
And then there’s all those times (which would be 5 days a week) that I go to my grandmother’s for lunch and eat however many fresh cookies she’s baked that day (or pies, or cakes, or cupcakes, or fudge – I’m not picky).
I need to learn restraint.
So, I’m back on the weight-loss wagon. I’ve been sweatin’ to Jillian Michaels’ 4-6 days a week and I definitely feel stronger. I can keep up with all the workouts now which is great, and I still always feel sore afterwards, also great. I’ve also seen improvements in the look of my shoulders and arms. And last week, D and I joined a new gym. I’ve been once this week, and it felt great (on the days I don’t go to the gym I’ve been keeping up with my Ripped in 30 dvd – which by now is more like not-really-that-ripped-but-feeling-better-in-90).
Also, I’m kind of a youtube junkie. Secret’s out. I watch a lot of makeup how-to channels. On Monday I stumbled upon a new channel called Project Not Fat. It was created by Sarah Victor (whose makeup channel I subscribe to).
The Project Not Fat channel was that extra bit of motivation I was really needing. Every week different contributors weight in, and during the week there are uploads about their various struggles and successes, and even some recipes. The best part about the channel is that I. CAN. RELATE. It makes me feel like I’m not alone. It makes me feel like I’m not the only one who has such a hard time with this stuff, because I really envy those people who can just stop drinking soda and lose 25lbs. Some days I feel like I could cut out everything that is even remotely bad and I’d still weigh the same 5 years from now. And I don’t need to be a size 2, mostly I’d just like to be a size 12 again. The stress of life often gets in the way (especially the stress of planning and paying for a wedding) but I’m ready to work through it.
Can anybody else relate?
So for now, I’m working out at least 4 days a week. I’m eating lots of quinoa and lots of veggies. I’m counting my calories, and ice cream no longer has a place in my house! The best part about the journey is that I don’t have to go it alone. If you’re interested in coming, too, or just following along let me know :) AND if anyone has any tips for me, I’d love to hear them.
Here goes nothin’ …again.
Follow me on My Fitness Pal: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/kimberlina210